I'm so in love!

Atticus Roux Moore made her incredibly exhausting and long awaiting debut on December 27th at 1:39am. She weighed in at 7 pounds, 1 ounce, and 20 inches long. I've never fallen in love so fast and so hard, this little girl has already melted my heart. And Blade has proven to be more than just my significant other, he has surpassed anyone's wildest dreams of what a partner should be like- I think I fell in love with him all over again.

Well the due date came and went, and I was not a happy camper by Friday, two days late, on our way to our follow up appointment with Dr. Martin. We had an ultrasound first to make sure that baby girl was still striving and happy and then went in to see Julie, who quickly rambled off some news that we were definitely not expecting: she wanted us to go straight over to Labor and Delivery to induce, they would be expecting us within the hour. It took a second to take in what she said, considering neither of us went in thinking that we would have this baby that day, but we were happy nonetheless. Apparently, there was a bit of restriction in the umbilical cord blood flow and she wasn't as active as they were hoping, so they decided not to risk keeping her in there any longer. Blade and I immediately drove home, I showered while he packed up the car, and we headed off to the hospital.

It was all very surreal at first, like it wasn't going to actually happen, and the entirety of the day was slow starting with a burst of excitement, over and over and over. We got to the hospital, got all hooked up to the monitors and IVs (which sucked) and the waiting began. I wasn't allowed to eat anything except popcicles and ice chips, so the hanger kicked in pretty quick. Mom and Grandma didn't heed my warning and showed up, only to wait in the waiting room, at around 12:30 (we only got there right at noon). They started to induce me around then, and manually broke my water a little bit after- which was one of the most intense forms of pain I've ever experienced. I wanted to punch that lady in the face! Once the contractions started, even though I tried to be a badass, I opted for the epidural. That was also a horrendous pain- and the fact that they just leave this little fishing wire size tube in your back the ENTIRE time is a very scary feeling. I was so afraid that I was going to move wrong, rip it out of my back, and be paralyzed forever... talk about being stress free during a stressful time.

Once the epidural kicked in, I was feeling a bit better. I couldn't feel anything from my belly button down for the most part, but I was still in some pain and just uncomfortable altogether. I stayed that way, with cervical checks every so often, for about 8 hours and measuring at around 4cm. They finally figured that maybe the Pitocin wasn't producing strong enough contractions, so they put a monitor internally against the placenta and realized that I had spread to about 6cm and that my contractions were getting bigger. That's when the action started happening. Oh, and of course, all of this started happening when Tim, Sierra, Hunter, and Shannon were in to visit... so my dignity was out the window to start.

I went from 6cm to 10cm within a matter of an hour and then the pushing began. I couldn't feel anything thanks to the extra shot the anesthesiologist ran in and gave me right before the action started, but the actually pushing may have been the hardest part of this whole ordeal. I pushed for an hour and a half, breathlessly, and out she came. Really fast actually, the doctor wasn't expecting my last push and she kind of flew out like a cartoon character. But there she was... this mushy, sticky, crying little thing that they put on my chest and made everything that had happened in the last day go away. I didn't feel any pain anymore, and everything was back to being ok. I felt like there was almost a haze in the room, like a dream sequence, and I had my perfect life with a perfect man and this perfect little girl.

Blade was by my side the entire time- getting me anything I needed, feeding me ice chips, helping me physically lean up enough to push while holding the dead weight in my legs back. He made me feel like I was wonder woman and that I had done this beautiful thing just for him. I will never be able to repay him for how much he helped me through all this, but I will spend the rest of our lives trying to. He is already a fantastic father!

It is now day four of having our little bundle of joy home and it gets easier by the hour. The first two nights were extremely rough because my milk hadn't come in yet and I just didn't know what I was doing or how to help her latch. I never realized how frustrating that would be, breastfeeding is something that's natural so it seemed like a piece of cake. In reality, it's the most important and most technical aspect of having this baby. I have definitely cried in frustration over not being able to satisfy her already, but I'm slowly getting the hang of it. Now we have to work on the sleeping side of things; Atti loves to be skin to skin with mommy or daddy, but so much so that she refuses to sleep in the bassinet or any other flat surface on her back. That is proving to be really frustrating as well, but we will figure it out too. Everything is hard, but so worth it. I'm so happy to be a mommy.

On that side of things, mommy is getting back to being herself! I dropped 9 pounds immediately (I was clocked in at 160.8 the morning I went into labor), and have since dropped much more for sure. My stomach is actually relatively flat thanks to the breastfeeding, the belly band, and not having much time to stuff my face anymore. Plus, all the swelling has gone down in my body so I finally have a jawline again! I like being able to HUG PEOPLE again! And thanks to my milk coming in, I have awesome looking curves and am looking almost back to non-preggo-belly size. I feel happy, but can't wait until my muscle strength comes back; I am still very sore and my body is achy and weak, it's a slow going recovery from the inside out.

Yesterday was Atti's first weigh in appointment and she only dropped 2 ounces from her discharge weight (6 pounds 12 ounces), she is slightly jaundiced from not latching well during the first two days, but her 'bili' tests came back normal and healthy. We have another appointment today to check again, so hopefully she has gained back some weight. Babies grow SO fast!!

This is going to be the best adventure I've ever been on. I'm so glad that I have a wonderful partner to join me on this ride, and now a beautiful daughter at the center of it all. I am one proud mama already <3

Just twiddling our thumbs.

So we are in the final week before the due date and I am still very pregnant. Our doctor appointment yesterday was unremarkable- still haven't dilated any more than before (1cm) and since the last visit I haven't had many painful contractions, so Atticus is still very comfy in her little waterbed room. Hopefully that changed in the next couple of days, I would really like to NOT go past the due date. But, I am happy that she is healthy and that's really all that matters, so if she wants needs to stay in there longer, so be it. I'm just getting a little frustrated and very, very antsy. I want to meet our little girl and start this awesome journey, and she is perfectly content all curled up in my belly. I have officially gained 26 pounds total, weighing in at 160.2 this last visit, so that's nice- I have pretty much gained the bare minimum to be considered healthy (although I definitely could have laid off the sweets and carbs a bit more, I have a little more addition than just a baby bump- but that will come off in no time at all). At this point, nothing has really changed except the lack of contractions and less severe movements from her since the last visit. She just doesn't have any more room to bounce around.

Unfortunately, I hit a bump in my perfect plan yesterday and found out that I am not eligible for financial aid until after I've completed 12 credit hours for spring semester- out of pocket. I was not ready to hear that, considering I've been getting everything together for months now, only to find out that there was a glitch in the system and that I had already withdrew from a "warning semester" so I have to go through a whole semester on my own before I get put back in good standing. Thankfully, my mom is paying for my classes and books so I can get that out of the way and reapply for aid in summer or fall. I will have to go back to The Drop much earlier, and more often, than I was planning, but that's the beauty of being on good terms with the company. I am very thankful that Hope likes me so much, I know she will be very happy to hear that I will be coming back sooner than later. This is life, I guess... just have to roll with the punches and keep a positive mindset. I am very blessed to have such a wonderful support system around me; we will be just fine.

In the mean time, I am just sitting here filling time, reading up on babies, and anxiously anticipating the arrival of our little Atticus Roux Moore. I have never looked forward to something more in my life.

[Week 39.4]

False alarm?

Well, I promised an update from the doctor appointment, but I didn't expect it to be so eventful. I went in for a normal check up that only took about 10 minutes, horribly uncomfortable cervical check included, and left with a good bill of health. I dropped Blade off at home, went to work, clocked in and.... felt like I started my period again. Sure enough, I was bleeding- quite a bit actually- which you can imagine is not the best thing to see during your pregnancy. So I went home and called the nurses who sent me back to Shawnee Mission. I spent the past 5 hours in Labor & Delivery, hooked to a fetal heart rate monitor and a contraction counter. It wouldn't have been that bad, had I not had THREE MORE cervical checks while I was there- one of which took forever because the nurse couldn't find my cervix... how do you lose a cervix?!

The bad news is that I'm probably going to get billed a butt load for the false alarm, but the good news is that I didn't dilate any more while I was there and Atticus is a very healthy and active baby. We are still on baby watch like before, but just a little more on the edge of our seats this week. Now to the update!

Pregnancy Update

How far along: 9 1/2 months

Weight gain: I was up to 159.6 last appointment, but measured in at 159.2 today, so I think that I'm going be plateau here at 25 pounds.

Yay!: Less than 2 weeks until our due date, which means that Baby Watch is in full effect! Everything (the important stuff, anyway) is ready for our little one to get here- I'm so anxious! Emotionally, things have changed a lot the past couple of weeks: I'm still really nervous and scared, but it seems like out of nowhere I have this new found confidence that everything is going to be ok. It is more an excitement than a worry now, and I've never been happier.

Nay!: I thought I was uncomfortable last month, but the past two weeks takes the cake! She settles deep into my pelvis now and it makes it unbearable to move or lay down. The only real option I have is to recline a little with something behind my back for lumbar support, but sleeping like that is impossible. I just toss and turn all night now because her movements are so severe now that she's so big, and I wake up with a very sore lower abdomen. The contractions that I do have are very irregular but pretty uncomfortable and mainly happen when I'm getting cozy at night. I pretty much feel like a balloon filled to it's max with rocks that roll around on their own... I'm definitely ready to have my body back.

Diet: I've actually been counting my calories the past week and a half- not to lose weight, obviously, but to maintain where I'm at and make sure that I'm getting the right amount of food in my belly to help Atti gain the last few pounds while making sure that I'm not gaining more than I should. They say you should only gain 25-30 lbs for a woman my size, and I have just reached the minimum for being healthy so I would like to stay here. I've been craving a lot of fruit- mostly just grapes and bananas- which makes me feel better than the junk food binge I was on. (Tonight doesn't count, I'm eating pizza and popcorn right now).

Sleep: Insomnia isn't a problem anymore, now it's just being able to get comfortable long enough to get some good rest. If I can get into the perfect, amazingly awkward, twisted position to fall asleep, I will usually wake up when Miss Bean decides to roll over onto my bladder.... which is just about every 2 hours. But, silver lining, it's preparing me for all night feedings when the baby gets here! 

Things to do still: Finishing touches on the nursery! That's it! I picked out a pediatrician out of SMMC that sounds great, we get to meet her (Sherri Martin) this week. I also bought the What To Expect: The First Year book that goes over childbirth and breastfeeding, so I have been reading up on everything. I'm a little worried because I haven't gotten my school aid completed yet (hopefully it posts by next Friday) and tomorrow is my last shift at The Drop, but I'm keeping my head up and trying to stay positive.

I am missing EVERYTHING that I couldn't do before at this point, but I won't even whine about it this time because we have 12 DAYS OR LESS before she is out of my belly and into my arms. My little family is going to be so incredible!!

[Week 38.3]

Baby watch!

Yesterday marked the two week countdown to meeting Miss Atticus Roux! I am officially 9 1/2 months along and feeling every bit of it. I feel like, no matter what kind of pregnancy you've had until this point, the last few weeks are no walk in the park. I feel huge, I look huge, I'm in quite a bit of pain and am super uncomfortable, and Atti can't be very happy either- she has little to no room to flutter around in anymore, it has to feel cramped in there. The good news is that we are almost done, though. We go back to see Dr. Martin tomorrow to do another check up: last we checked, I am still 1cm dilated and almost completely effaced. I am still measuring small, but she is healthy and at a good weight (she was at 6 pounds 8 ounces last Friday) and she is sitting as low as she possibly can in my uterus- Dr. Martin said that that means that I may not have a horribly long labor since she is already so close to coming out! I've been having some issues with contractions for the past couple weeks, and got a prescription for some meds to stop them but I have yet to pick them up- they haven't been as severe this week, and taking more medication worries me a little.

^^Please make note of how silly Puff looks

No more room in there!! It's getting really tight!^^^

The main problem that I'm having right now is that for some reason, when I lay on either side, I start getting a really tight chest and some slight heart palpitations, and then my face starts getting really warm and my hearing gets fuzzy; I think it's because I have so much weight from my stomach that I'm cutting off circulation. Whatever it is, it made sleeping soundly completely impossible last night. I tossed and turned, and then woke up with a very sore abdomen- like someone had been punching my gut. All the weight on my pelvic region is starting to make things really difficult, it's getting harder to stay even the slightest bit comfortable now. Waddling is in full effect, my hips pop out of place when I try to get up or pivot, it is almost impossible to get off the couch without some sort of rocking motion or a pulley system, and my boobs leak without notice... I don't know when we were supposed to be 'glowing' but being pregnant is definitely not the happiness and sunshine that people claim it to be. I'm so excited to meet our little girl, but man this has been a really intense nine months. 

^^The button has popped, which means she is DONE! <3

Outside of Bean-town, things are going well. Blade has been working a ton, but we have been able to spend some quality time almost every day relaxing on the couch and watching our shows or making dinner. I feel like our little family is going to be wonderful, but I will miss having him to myself without any real distraction. He is such a wonderful partner and has been a great support system throughout this past year; I am one very lucky girl. I am in the middle of getting the final touches done on my financial aid, so fingers crossed that goes through before the baby gets here, and I'm finishing my last couple shifts at The Drop this weekend (although I may try to fit in a shift or two next week if we haven't gone into labor yet). The nursery is mostly done and all the important stuff is checked off and put away- so now it really is just a waiting game. Mom finally got her house in Liberty, so I know she is really excited about that, and it is definitely a wonderful thing knowing that she is so close. My favorite piece of news lately- Tiff asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding! They are doing a destination wedding in Vieques, Puerto Rico, on April 1st, 2016. We have a ton of time to plan, and I will be far enough along that we can get away from the Bean without any issue! Plus she asked me on a coffee cup, who can say no to that!?

There is so much going on, yet so little! I can't wait until we get to meet our little princess, I am dying with anticipation! Some time in the next 13 days, I finally get to hold this little monster that's been swimming around in my belly all summer- I feel like I'm waiting for the one thing that will complete my life and it's making everything trudge by at a snail's pace. I will do a quick update tomorrow after the doctors appointment- who knows, it may be the last one!!

[Week 38.2]