I'm so in love!

Atticus Roux Moore made her incredibly exhausting and long awaiting debut on December 27th at 1:39am. She weighed in at 7 pounds, 1 ounce, and 20 inches long. I've never fallen in love so fast and so hard, this little girl has already melted my heart. And Blade has proven to be more than just my significant other, he has surpassed anyone's wildest dreams of what a partner should be like- I think I fell in love with him all over again.

Well the due date came and went, and I was not a happy camper by Friday, two days late, on our way to our follow up appointment with Dr. Martin. We had an ultrasound first to make sure that baby girl was still striving and happy and then went in to see Julie, who quickly rambled off some news that we were definitely not expecting: she wanted us to go straight over to Labor and Delivery to induce, they would be expecting us within the hour. It took a second to take in what she said, considering neither of us went in thinking that we would have this baby that day, but we were happy nonetheless. Apparently, there was a bit of restriction in the umbilical cord blood flow and she wasn't as active as they were hoping, so they decided not to risk keeping her in there any longer. Blade and I immediately drove home, I showered while he packed up the car, and we headed off to the hospital.

It was all very surreal at first, like it wasn't going to actually happen, and the entirety of the day was slow starting with a burst of excitement, over and over and over. We got to the hospital, got all hooked up to the monitors and IVs (which sucked) and the waiting began. I wasn't allowed to eat anything except popcicles and ice chips, so the hanger kicked in pretty quick. Mom and Grandma didn't heed my warning and showed up, only to wait in the waiting room, at around 12:30 (we only got there right at noon). They started to induce me around then, and manually broke my water a little bit after- which was one of the most intense forms of pain I've ever experienced. I wanted to punch that lady in the face! Once the contractions started, even though I tried to be a badass, I opted for the epidural. That was also a horrendous pain- and the fact that they just leave this little fishing wire size tube in your back the ENTIRE time is a very scary feeling. I was so afraid that I was going to move wrong, rip it out of my back, and be paralyzed forever... talk about being stress free during a stressful time.

Once the epidural kicked in, I was feeling a bit better. I couldn't feel anything from my belly button down for the most part, but I was still in some pain and just uncomfortable altogether. I stayed that way, with cervical checks every so often, for about 8 hours and measuring at around 4cm. They finally figured that maybe the Pitocin wasn't producing strong enough contractions, so they put a monitor internally against the placenta and realized that I had spread to about 6cm and that my contractions were getting bigger. That's when the action started happening. Oh, and of course, all of this started happening when Tim, Sierra, Hunter, and Shannon were in to visit... so my dignity was out the window to start.

I went from 6cm to 10cm within a matter of an hour and then the pushing began. I couldn't feel anything thanks to the extra shot the anesthesiologist ran in and gave me right before the action started, but the actually pushing may have been the hardest part of this whole ordeal. I pushed for an hour and a half, breathlessly, and out she came. Really fast actually, the doctor wasn't expecting my last push and she kind of flew out like a cartoon character. But there she was... this mushy, sticky, crying little thing that they put on my chest and made everything that had happened in the last day go away. I didn't feel any pain anymore, and everything was back to being ok. I felt like there was almost a haze in the room, like a dream sequence, and I had my perfect life with a perfect man and this perfect little girl.

Blade was by my side the entire time- getting me anything I needed, feeding me ice chips, helping me physically lean up enough to push while holding the dead weight in my legs back. He made me feel like I was wonder woman and that I had done this beautiful thing just for him. I will never be able to repay him for how much he helped me through all this, but I will spend the rest of our lives trying to. He is already a fantastic father!

It is now day four of having our little bundle of joy home and it gets easier by the hour. The first two nights were extremely rough because my milk hadn't come in yet and I just didn't know what I was doing or how to help her latch. I never realized how frustrating that would be, breastfeeding is something that's natural so it seemed like a piece of cake. In reality, it's the most important and most technical aspect of having this baby. I have definitely cried in frustration over not being able to satisfy her already, but I'm slowly getting the hang of it. Now we have to work on the sleeping side of things; Atti loves to be skin to skin with mommy or daddy, but so much so that she refuses to sleep in the bassinet or any other flat surface on her back. That is proving to be really frustrating as well, but we will figure it out too. Everything is hard, but so worth it. I'm so happy to be a mommy.

On that side of things, mommy is getting back to being herself! I dropped 9 pounds immediately (I was clocked in at 160.8 the morning I went into labor), and have since dropped much more for sure. My stomach is actually relatively flat thanks to the breastfeeding, the belly band, and not having much time to stuff my face anymore. Plus, all the swelling has gone down in my body so I finally have a jawline again! I like being able to HUG PEOPLE again! And thanks to my milk coming in, I have awesome looking curves and am looking almost back to non-preggo-belly size. I feel happy, but can't wait until my muscle strength comes back; I am still very sore and my body is achy and weak, it's a slow going recovery from the inside out.

Yesterday was Atti's first weigh in appointment and she only dropped 2 ounces from her discharge weight (6 pounds 12 ounces), she is slightly jaundiced from not latching well during the first two days, but her 'bili' tests came back normal and healthy. We have another appointment today to check again, so hopefully she has gained back some weight. Babies grow SO fast!!

This is going to be the best adventure I've ever been on. I'm so glad that I have a wonderful partner to join me on this ride, and now a beautiful daughter at the center of it all. I am one proud mama already <3

Just twiddling our thumbs.

So we are in the final week before the due date and I am still very pregnant. Our doctor appointment yesterday was unremarkable- still haven't dilated any more than before (1cm) and since the last visit I haven't had many painful contractions, so Atticus is still very comfy in her little waterbed room. Hopefully that changed in the next couple of days, I would really like to NOT go past the due date. But, I am happy that she is healthy and that's really all that matters, so if she wants needs to stay in there longer, so be it. I'm just getting a little frustrated and very, very antsy. I want to meet our little girl and start this awesome journey, and she is perfectly content all curled up in my belly. I have officially gained 26 pounds total, weighing in at 160.2 this last visit, so that's nice- I have pretty much gained the bare minimum to be considered healthy (although I definitely could have laid off the sweets and carbs a bit more, I have a little more addition than just a baby bump- but that will come off in no time at all). At this point, nothing has really changed except the lack of contractions and less severe movements from her since the last visit. She just doesn't have any more room to bounce around.

Unfortunately, I hit a bump in my perfect plan yesterday and found out that I am not eligible for financial aid until after I've completed 12 credit hours for spring semester- out of pocket. I was not ready to hear that, considering I've been getting everything together for months now, only to find out that there was a glitch in the system and that I had already withdrew from a "warning semester" so I have to go through a whole semester on my own before I get put back in good standing. Thankfully, my mom is paying for my classes and books so I can get that out of the way and reapply for aid in summer or fall. I will have to go back to The Drop much earlier, and more often, than I was planning, but that's the beauty of being on good terms with the company. I am very thankful that Hope likes me so much, I know she will be very happy to hear that I will be coming back sooner than later. This is life, I guess... just have to roll with the punches and keep a positive mindset. I am very blessed to have such a wonderful support system around me; we will be just fine.

In the mean time, I am just sitting here filling time, reading up on babies, and anxiously anticipating the arrival of our little Atticus Roux Moore. I have never looked forward to something more in my life.

[Week 39.4]

False alarm?

Well, I promised an update from the doctor appointment, but I didn't expect it to be so eventful. I went in for a normal check up that only took about 10 minutes, horribly uncomfortable cervical check included, and left with a good bill of health. I dropped Blade off at home, went to work, clocked in and.... felt like I started my period again. Sure enough, I was bleeding- quite a bit actually- which you can imagine is not the best thing to see during your pregnancy. So I went home and called the nurses who sent me back to Shawnee Mission. I spent the past 5 hours in Labor & Delivery, hooked to a fetal heart rate monitor and a contraction counter. It wouldn't have been that bad, had I not had THREE MORE cervical checks while I was there- one of which took forever because the nurse couldn't find my cervix... how do you lose a cervix?!

The bad news is that I'm probably going to get billed a butt load for the false alarm, but the good news is that I didn't dilate any more while I was there and Atticus is a very healthy and active baby. We are still on baby watch like before, but just a little more on the edge of our seats this week. Now to the update!

Pregnancy Update

How far along: 9 1/2 months

Weight gain: I was up to 159.6 last appointment, but measured in at 159.2 today, so I think that I'm going be plateau here at 25 pounds.

Yay!: Less than 2 weeks until our due date, which means that Baby Watch is in full effect! Everything (the important stuff, anyway) is ready for our little one to get here- I'm so anxious! Emotionally, things have changed a lot the past couple of weeks: I'm still really nervous and scared, but it seems like out of nowhere I have this new found confidence that everything is going to be ok. It is more an excitement than a worry now, and I've never been happier.

Nay!: I thought I was uncomfortable last month, but the past two weeks takes the cake! She settles deep into my pelvis now and it makes it unbearable to move or lay down. The only real option I have is to recline a little with something behind my back for lumbar support, but sleeping like that is impossible. I just toss and turn all night now because her movements are so severe now that she's so big, and I wake up with a very sore lower abdomen. The contractions that I do have are very irregular but pretty uncomfortable and mainly happen when I'm getting cozy at night. I pretty much feel like a balloon filled to it's max with rocks that roll around on their own... I'm definitely ready to have my body back.

Diet: I've actually been counting my calories the past week and a half- not to lose weight, obviously, but to maintain where I'm at and make sure that I'm getting the right amount of food in my belly to help Atti gain the last few pounds while making sure that I'm not gaining more than I should. They say you should only gain 25-30 lbs for a woman my size, and I have just reached the minimum for being healthy so I would like to stay here. I've been craving a lot of fruit- mostly just grapes and bananas- which makes me feel better than the junk food binge I was on. (Tonight doesn't count, I'm eating pizza and popcorn right now).

Sleep: Insomnia isn't a problem anymore, now it's just being able to get comfortable long enough to get some good rest. If I can get into the perfect, amazingly awkward, twisted position to fall asleep, I will usually wake up when Miss Bean decides to roll over onto my bladder.... which is just about every 2 hours. But, silver lining, it's preparing me for all night feedings when the baby gets here! 

Things to do still: Finishing touches on the nursery! That's it! I picked out a pediatrician out of SMMC that sounds great, we get to meet her (Sherri Martin) this week. I also bought the What To Expect: The First Year book that goes over childbirth and breastfeeding, so I have been reading up on everything. I'm a little worried because I haven't gotten my school aid completed yet (hopefully it posts by next Friday) and tomorrow is my last shift at The Drop, but I'm keeping my head up and trying to stay positive.

I am missing EVERYTHING that I couldn't do before at this point, but I won't even whine about it this time because we have 12 DAYS OR LESS before she is out of my belly and into my arms. My little family is going to be so incredible!!

[Week 38.3]

Baby watch!

Yesterday marked the two week countdown to meeting Miss Atticus Roux! I am officially 9 1/2 months along and feeling every bit of it. I feel like, no matter what kind of pregnancy you've had until this point, the last few weeks are no walk in the park. I feel huge, I look huge, I'm in quite a bit of pain and am super uncomfortable, and Atti can't be very happy either- she has little to no room to flutter around in anymore, it has to feel cramped in there. The good news is that we are almost done, though. We go back to see Dr. Martin tomorrow to do another check up: last we checked, I am still 1cm dilated and almost completely effaced. I am still measuring small, but she is healthy and at a good weight (she was at 6 pounds 8 ounces last Friday) and she is sitting as low as she possibly can in my uterus- Dr. Martin said that that means that I may not have a horribly long labor since she is already so close to coming out! I've been having some issues with contractions for the past couple weeks, and got a prescription for some meds to stop them but I have yet to pick them up- they haven't been as severe this week, and taking more medication worries me a little.

^^Please make note of how silly Puff looks

No more room in there!! It's getting really tight!^^^

The main problem that I'm having right now is that for some reason, when I lay on either side, I start getting a really tight chest and some slight heart palpitations, and then my face starts getting really warm and my hearing gets fuzzy; I think it's because I have so much weight from my stomach that I'm cutting off circulation. Whatever it is, it made sleeping soundly completely impossible last night. I tossed and turned, and then woke up with a very sore abdomen- like someone had been punching my gut. All the weight on my pelvic region is starting to make things really difficult, it's getting harder to stay even the slightest bit comfortable now. Waddling is in full effect, my hips pop out of place when I try to get up or pivot, it is almost impossible to get off the couch without some sort of rocking motion or a pulley system, and my boobs leak without notice... I don't know when we were supposed to be 'glowing' but being pregnant is definitely not the happiness and sunshine that people claim it to be. I'm so excited to meet our little girl, but man this has been a really intense nine months. 

^^The button has popped, which means she is DONE! <3

Outside of Bean-town, things are going well. Blade has been working a ton, but we have been able to spend some quality time almost every day relaxing on the couch and watching our shows or making dinner. I feel like our little family is going to be wonderful, but I will miss having him to myself without any real distraction. He is such a wonderful partner and has been a great support system throughout this past year; I am one very lucky girl. I am in the middle of getting the final touches done on my financial aid, so fingers crossed that goes through before the baby gets here, and I'm finishing my last couple shifts at The Drop this weekend (although I may try to fit in a shift or two next week if we haven't gone into labor yet). The nursery is mostly done and all the important stuff is checked off and put away- so now it really is just a waiting game. Mom finally got her house in Liberty, so I know she is really excited about that, and it is definitely a wonderful thing knowing that she is so close. My favorite piece of news lately- Tiff asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding! They are doing a destination wedding in Vieques, Puerto Rico, on April 1st, 2016. We have a ton of time to plan, and I will be far enough along that we can get away from the Bean without any issue! Plus she asked me on a coffee cup, who can say no to that!?

There is so much going on, yet so little! I can't wait until we get to meet our little princess, I am dying with anticipation! Some time in the next 13 days, I finally get to hold this little monster that's been swimming around in my belly all summer- I feel like I'm waiting for the one thing that will complete my life and it's making everything trudge by at a snail's pace. I will do a quick update tomorrow after the doctors appointment- who knows, it may be the last one!!

[Week 38.2]

Happy Holidays!!

Well we have finally made it to the downward slope toward parenthood. I am about 35 1/2 weeks today, which means a little over a month left until Atticus makes her grand debut. Although, it may be earlier than that if you as our new doctor. We transferred over to Shawnee Mission Medical because Truman was just horrific, and our new OB is Julie Martin- younger, blonde who talks really fast but always has a smile on her face and doesn't waste any time. I adore her. As of the last check up, Atti is about 5 pounds and measuring right on time (although I am still measuring about 4 weeks behind in fundal height)- she is happy and healthy, and a little on the smaller side but nothing abnormal. And she may be coming early! We went to our check up yesterday and I had my first pelvic exam: I am 1cm dilated and almost completely effaced. I have to keep an eye on the BH contractions because Dr. Martin thinks that they may potentially be real ones and if that's the case, we need to put me on some medication to stop them. It's just a bit too early to let her come out just yet, I won't be technically full term for another week and a half.

As crazy and wonderful as it is to think that we get to meet our baby girl soon, I am completely terrified now. I can't believe we only have four weeks until the due date.. and that it could possibly happen before then. Any piece of me that felt ready has flown out the window and I feel like I am completely bewildered about how to care for a baby, but I am still really happy. I've gotten most of her nursery finished, and we got so much from our family and friends so I don't have anything to worry about there- every time I step foot in there, all I can think about is how amazing it's going to be to have her in my arms. I just need to put on a few finishing touches!

^ The curtains are navy blue, as is the accent pillow, and I will have the big gold mirror hanging above the changing table. I just added the same curtains to the nook (need to hem them) and a throw for the rocker.

We have weekly appointments now, so the next one I will be exactly 9 months along and it will be the day before Thanksgiving. I love this time of year, it's only fitting that I have my first child around this time <3 We plan on spending Turkey Day with the Ward family in Olathe and then Blade has to go to work at Harry's. I will probably try to make it over there to spend time with him, but I have been the opposite of a social butterfly the past month or so.

The shower we threw at the house went wonderfully! I spent 90% of the time in the kitchen, but everything came out great thanks to the help from the boys. We had quite a few people show up; it was really nice to have everyone around- I miss seeing a lot of people since I've become such a homebody. Once I finally got away from the work, I got to spend a couple hours socializing (I even had a couple glasses of wine!) but it wiped me out. Blade and I spent the hour after they left cleaning up a bit and then pretty much passed out on the couch. We got so much stuff, we really are blessed to have so many good friends and family around.

^^Aren't they adorable?

I will get to the good stuff- I haven't posted an update in forever so here it goes!

Pregnancy Update!!!!

How far along: Almost 9 months

Weight gain: 21 pounds, give or take. I was about 155 on my last weigh in

Yay!: We are getting so close to the finish line, we have just about everything we need for the new arrival, and mom and baby are healthy.

Nay!: Just about everything else! I hate to sound so dramatic, but I've never been so miserable in my life. I'm constantly achy- if I work too long, my legs hurt and then my pelvis aches all night and the next day. The Braxton Hicks (or potentially not fake) contractions cause a bit of pain now, momentarily, and are a lot more frequent. My ankles and feet swell throughout the day making wearing boots a hassle, but the weather has dropped so I don't have much of a choice. All of my bottoms are too tight, including my maternity jeans, so either going pantless or wearing a maxi dress are the only real options and that's obviously not plausible all the time. Thanks to my esophagus sitting in my stomach, I was getting bad indigestion and reflux, but the baby has dropped in the past week so I can finally breathe again. [[Side note- Blade has been referring to me as Wheezy... the fat, waddling penguin toy with a broken squeaker from Toy Story]] Speaking of waddling, if I don't full out sway like a duck, the joints in my groin feel like they are coming apart... which apparently they can actually do. Oh and to top it all off, my boobs are leaking. Whoever says that they love being pregnant is either straight faced lying, or they forgot about this trimester, because this is not fun at all.

Food: My appetite is enormous!!! I can eat just about all day every day, with no particular craving for anything. I just like to eat and eat. I have had a couple little urges: I made Tiffany go to Steak n Shake with me so I could get some cheese fries, and I have wanted sweets way more than usual. But overall, my cravings have really still just been the breakfast food thing. I didn't even realize that it was a craving until I noticed that I was buying 6 different breakfast foods every time I went to the store. I need to calm down or I will never get back into pre baby shape!

Sleep: I have been getting bouts of insomnia every night around 3-4am. I have to get up about every hour to use the bathroom and falling back asleep is getting harder. I wake up whenever Atti does since her movements are really pronounced now, she moves my belly around so hard that it really does look like an alien. I can actually feel where her butt is and have to push her little feet and elbows back in when she lodges them in my hips or sides. Waking up to that isn't the best thing, but it's comforting just to feel her wiggling around. 

Things to do still: I have to do the online breastfeeding and birthing classes (Lindsey recommended them now that she's dealing with a newborn), pick out a pediatrician, and finish the nursery. Other than that, I think I've gotten most of the stuff checked off the to-do list! I love Blade more than life itself, but he hasn't been much help with the little things- especially with my eccentric nesting lately- so I need to get another boost of motivation to finish the last little things. I'm so excited.

Belly button: Mostly popped out. Occasionally it flattens back out if she moves into a different spot, but for the most part it's popped out on the right side (yes, just the right side. I have realized that my belly button is crooked).

Missing: All I want is to be able to lay on my belly again... but I obviously can't... only a couple more weeks!!

^^Oh so round! I just want my body back. I will never complain about feeling fat ever again, I PROMISE!

I know that the time will fly, Atticus Roux will be here in the blink of an eye. I can't wait to hold our sweet girl! I already have such an incredible family, fur babies included.. she is the perfect addition.

[Week 35.5]

To future pregnant me.

I will apologize in advance for the rant that is about to ensue, but I need to write a note to my future self when I decide to plan for baby number two. I feel like pregnancy was always a little bit of a mystery for me, but one that I could easily see myself navigating through. I was wrong, this is not easy. Although I should be thanking my stars that I've had such an unremarkable pregnancy the past 8 months, there are still a few blips along the road that could have been a lot smoother had I been ready for them. So just in case I forget on the next go around, here are some things to keep in mind and take note of if and when I become pregnant again.

1. Metamucil doesn't help you poop, nothing will. For the first trimester and a half, you will be miserably bloated and uncomfortable. Drink a LOT of water, and try to get some fiber into every meal, but learn to deal with the fact that you will get stopped up. It goes away soon, don't fret too much.

2. Invest in some real maternity pants, shorts, or bottoms of any kind. When your pants are too tight, you will be in pain, and it will ruin most of the time spent out and about. So don't be cheap and invest in some good staple pieces that are comfortable. They not only save you money, but tears and ridiculous tantrums.

3. You will get lonely. They never tell you how lonely you will be. The friends that you see on a regular basis will start to diminish and act like nothing has changed. You will have to hear about how fun blahblah was and that it's too bad you couldn't go see blahblahblah, and you will just deal with it because you know it either wouldn't have been as fun as they thought it was or they didn't invite you to begin with. When you are no longer the life of the party, you stop getting invited.

4. So to fix the above issue, find a legitimate hobby or you will lose your mind. Reality TV and Facebook do not count as good time filler, and sometimes reading just reiterates how alone you feel, so find something (preferably active) to do with your off days. And stop bugging your boyfriend... he has actual work to do. 

5. Don't stop working out! You will get cellulite. Your thighs will start to touch. You will have non-baby related love handles showing up and your arms will move too much when you wave. Being pregnant doesn't give you the excuse to get lazy. It's healthy for you and for baby, mentally and physically, to get off your ass and at least go for a walk. If not, you'll get to the point I'm at- you hate the sight of your body and you're out of breath before you even make it to the seventh stair.

6. It's totally ok to cry. You will get weepy at the most random things, and (I hope this goes away when I'm not pregnant anymore) you will sob when you laugh too hard. And that is quite alright. You have a lot of hormones pulsing through your body, it's ok to feel a little overwhelmed. Don't be embarrassed and don't hide it from your loved ones, they will understand and might even be able to help soothe you.

7. There are a lot of aches and pains. You don't need to freak out if you sciatica starts acting up, or you start getting shooting pains down the sides of your abdomen, because that is all part of this miracle of life. When the baby kicks too hard, you will feel it in your cervix or hip bones or kidneys and you will make a ridiculous face and probably audibly show how much you dislike what is going on, and you will immediately think something is wrong. Nothing is wrong, the baby is just testing your love for her and you will deal with it after cursing her out and then you will smile when she wiggles back into her little ball and you realize it is all worth it. 

8. DON'T DRINK SODA, it will give you a UTI and they suck hard core. Honestly, try to stick with water or tea or coffee as long as you can. It's not even the UTI that hurts, its the pressure from the baby on your already inflamed bladder that will make you wince and tear up for a couple weeks and it isn't worth that delicious Pepsi that you want so badly. I promise.

9. Ask the doctor a million and one questions, she won't bat an eye and you'll feel a whole lot better about everything you are going through. Although I've gotten this far with keeping my mouth shut and just riding it out, I wish I would've talked to the doctor about so many things that would have eased my worries and eliminated unneeded stress. They went to school for a long time for a reason, they know what they're doing. (Also, side note, make sure to find a doctor that you like right off the bat. Don't switch mid pregnancy, it takes a lot of time and energy.)

10. Lastly, enjoy this whole experience. It is intense and scary and beautiful and it really does fly by. As much as I'm dying to meet our little girl and get this whole ordeal over with, I already know that I'm going to miss parts of it. Even with all the pain and energy you have to put into it, this is one of the most reflective and peaceful times of your life... take advantage of every moment. 

Tomorrow I will be 8 months along... I can't believe she is almost here.

[Week 31.6]

Whooooo loves you baby?

Things are starting to get exciting around here! We had the baby shower that my mom threw us on Sunday at Grandma's house and it went wonderfully. Most of the women in the family and, of course, mom's close friends were there, and Tiffany came with me, Shannon and Blade's cousin, Jacque. We got practically all the large items that we had registered for: crib, rocker, stroller, highchair, 2 bouncers, baby monitors, etc. We also got a ton of really cute outfits and books. I'm a little worried that we will have to buy a lot of the necessities, but we still have our BBQ shower in November, and hopefully that will help. I don't blame anyone though, shopping for little girls is so much fun and you immediately get drawn to the adorable outfits. Mom did the most amazing job with the theme and decorations; made her own banner, did all of the cooking, and even made a "Mother's Wisdom" tree so all the ladies could write down some advice for me in the future. 

 ^^All the hors d'oeuvres were delicious. And the pom poms came home with us

The "Mother's Wisdom" tree vvv

^^Made out like a bandit 

 ^^This cake was DELICIOUS! We took the top home like you do at weddings, but it's not going to last until her first birthday, sorry Atti!

Three (and a half) generations of Zismer women. I love my family so much.

I spent the rest of that night setting up everything that we had gotten and making note of what we are still needing. Basics like bedding, changing tables accessories, and onesies are pretty much what we're looking at- I just can't wait to bring her home! She is still being a little monster in there, getting wedged into my hips now, but I love being able to feel her move so much. We have officially changed hospitals, and will be finishing out the pregnancy and giving birth at Shawnee Mission Medical Center. Truman waited so long to treat me for the UTI when it could have been avoided, they don't have direct contact with the practitioners and we never got to see the same one, and honestly the place gives me the creeps. So on Halloween, I will be going to meet our new OB, Dr. Julie Martin. I don't want to take any risks with our baby girl, and they have a new birthing center at SMMC that looks like a day spa which doesn't hurt. 

Here is an updated bump photo from last week; I'm starting to run out of outfits to fit into and have been getting creative. Belted cardigans and maxi dresses are fantastic!

Three weeks until our baby shower, five weeks until Thanksgiving, seven weeks until maternity leave= 9 more weeks until I am ready to pop (and Christmas!!!!!).... I wish it were sooner!

[Week 31.1]

Home stretch!

We have finally made it to the THIRD TRIMESTER! As of two days ago, I am officially 7 months along, aka two thirds of the way to meeting our little monster. One thing is for sure, I cannot hide being pregnant anymore, this belly is enormous. I can't see my feet at all, my waddle is more duck like, and my leggings are starting to get uncomfortable. I haven't updated any pictures because I haven't had much time to, I've been working quite a bit and now that I can drive (yay for getting my license taken care of!!!!) I have been able to run errands and get things taken care of without waiting around for Blade to chauffeur me around KC. One main thing that I've been able to take care of, however, is painting the nursery. It took quite a bit of time and energy, and a lot of motivation to get off my butt, to get it finished, but it is done and it looks beautiful!!!

^^It took almost three coats of paint on the walls and four coats on the edges to cover all of the blue, but the yellow cream looks fantastic and really opens up the room. Then I started with the vertical lines on the accent wall- I just eyeballed everything, but I think it made the pattern look better that way. Side note- always use the Frog Painters Tape for latex paint... the blue paint bled a lot.

Then onto the diagonal lines: I measured out three different lines to start with and then eyeballed the rest to fill in randomly. I had to go back and re-align some of them when I stepped back, but it was fairly simple. I used a meter stick and, starting on the far left vertical line, measured and marked every 24" up, then the same downward on the next vertical line, and then lined up those two with the diagonal strip of tape as my starters. ^^^

^^^This is the wall that juts out about 4 inches. I used the same color as the wall but did three coats to make it a little bit darker and to cover the blue since I didn't do the yellow base color. I'm going to turn this into the height measurement chart with some gold paint by hand.

The FINAL PRODUCT turned out fantastically!!! I will have to go back and touch up some parts that bled under the tape in a couple areas, but nothing too severe at all. The key was that I did a heavy layer starting on the left side with a smaller roller and Blade followed behind me to do the edges. As soon as I finished the entire wall, I started to peel the tape from the side that I started painting- the paint hadn't fully dried, so it didn't pull off chunks of the coral paint (it's a love/hate relationship with latex paint). All in all, I think it came out fantastic, and I believe that Atti will adore her room- everyone is really impressed!

I've also finally registered at Babies R Us for the baby showers that are coming up in the next two months. Mom is throwing one at Grandma's house for the family and her friends, and then Blade and I are throwing a large co-ed bonfire bash at our house later down the road. Registering was probably one of the most fun things I've gotten to do so far for the baby, and thanks to our amazing families all of the big items are already taken care of. I can't wait to start getting things together of our baby girl, less than 12 weeks before our due date!

Pregnancy Update

How far along: 28 weeks

Weight gain: 8 lbs since last visit, 13 lbs total

Yay!: I can feel her move on a regular and almost timed basis. She had normal sleep and wake cycles and responds to certain things throughout the day. Usually right after I eat, right before I go to bed and right after I wake up are when I can feel her the most. She is a spit fire...I can actually see my belly moving around now and it's really neat letting my friends feel her kick. It is the most amazing and intense thing I've ever felt in my life. It's not so much creepy anymore as it is entertaining. Also, my hair looks fantastic! These prenatal vitamins are doing me very well. Now that I'm taking good care of my skin I haven't had an outbreak since that first trimester, I'm still stretch mark and varicose vein free, and I'm getting some inches on my locks finally. 

Nay!: I have a kidney infection. Pregnant women are more susceptible to getting UTIs and I had apparently gotten one that has now gone to my kidneys. It is extremely painful: it's all in my lower abdomen, with sharper pain on the right side, and it feels like a constant pressure and aching. Moving fast or trying to re-position myself at night really upsets it, it slowly builds up to a worse and worse pain throughout the day so nighttime isn't very fun. I started taking antibiotics two days ago so we hope to see it cleared up within the next week. Thankfully it doesn't effect baby girl, but it's still very scary to have something wrong with my body knowing that she's in there. Her awesome wiggle worm action works against the pain as well considering she kicks and puts more pressure on my lower abdomen when she's awake; this whole situation is taking away from the beauty of being pregnant.

Food: I have random cravings for things I see randomly throughout the day that stay with me if I don't fill the need. Currently, I have been dying to have some cheese fries from Steak N Shake. Only from there and only the cheese fries. Still no aversions, thankfully, but my weird love for Pepsi nowadays has to be put to rest because the extra sugar in my diet is negatively effecting my infection. I really need to stop eating like a fat kid anyway, I'm pushing it a little bit now a days and I can see the weight gain a little in my love handles and my arms.

Belly button: I'm going to call it a middie right now. I'm slowly starting to pop out from the right side over now. I never thought I'd see the inside of my navel... and I really don't want to again, it's weird.

Sleep: I am now on a 2 hour time clock for bathroom breaks starting the minute I hit the pillow. It's been harder for me to fall asleep but no full on insomnia, thankfully. I'm getting up around 10am every day now, give or take, but usually feel like I need a nap by at least 1 o'clock or I start to bob my head a little. 

Exercise: I have officially given up. I keep hurting myself and I feel like I'm too weak and have too many aches and pains to try anymore. I shouldn't have waited until I was already preggo to start getting my butt into shape. In the meantime I will just try to avoid being a couch potato and stay on my feet, and then I will have to bust my butt harder than I was expecting to at the gym once I pop out Bean.

Excited for: THE ROYALS POSTSEASON!!! That's right, you read that correctly, the Royals have made it into the playoffs. We beat the A's in the Wild Card game 9-8 in the most amazing 12 innings I've ever seen, and then won our first ALDS game againt Anaheim last night. We are currently playing the second game, 1-0 in the bottom of the fifth... I thought this year couldn't get any better, but HOLY SHIT! 

....oh, you mean related to preggo stuff: I can't wait for the baby showers! Mom's is in two weeks and then ours is three weeks after and then Christmas is 6 weeks later!!!! 

Missing: being able to wear what I want! I will never complain about being fat again! I miss the cute skinny jeans and slender tops, or the chunky sweaters that don't make me look like a Weeble Wobble now that I'm sporting this basketball size belly. Leggings are great, but they don't really make much of a fashion statement. Also, being able to buckle my sandals without having to be a contortionist or just picking anything up off the floor without being in pain or uncomfortable, or just bending at the waist in general. This belly is getting to be in the way! (Worth it, but still).

We have appointments every two weeks now that I've hit the last trimester, and I am still measuring two weeks behind so I will be able to post new sonogram pictures after the next one since they want to measure her again. Keep your fingers crossed that she isn't sitting breech anymore.. we need this baby to start making her way into the Exit Position so mommy doesn't have to make a smiley scar on her tummy. Other than the infection, we are both happy and healthy and I hope to keep it that way!

[Week 28.3]

All the changing.

Things are somehow slowing down and speeding up simultaneously in preggo world now-a-days. I'm easing up a little on work and looking for something part time, hourly, that doesn't require so much stress. The forty hour work weeks are starting to get to me and Bean; I'm getting tired very easily and the little aches and pains are getting more noticeable (not to mention, bending is becoming a true feat with the belly). As much as I enjoy making more to save more, I think it will benefit me to chill out with the workaholic attitude- long story short, Mama needs a breather.
Thankfully, it has given me more time to work on things that take less physical effort and more emotional reward. I have finally started on the nursery- first coat of the base color is dry and ready to go round two- and have started making moves on our co-ed baby shower. With thoughts from Tim, I have decided on doing a Beer Garden style shower/bonfire on the second Sunday in November. I'll be about seven weeks out from the due date, so I will still be wobbling around and being able to enjoy a social event without being too exhausted (Lindsey warned me that the last month is just hell- her baby girl is 5 days late and they are inducing her early next week). Fun news: I am about a week away from getting my license back and I can thank the lawyer baby daddy for it! Blade stood in as my attorney and took care of all the fine print, so I not only can apply to have my license reinstated, but I actually get money back from my bond that can go into Bean Savings. I'm pretty proud of myself for being so strict with that new account, I won't have to worry about a thing while I'm taking maternity leave.
Mom is finally back in KC and all moved into Grandma's guest room. She started her new job at 7th Street Casino on Monday and said she likes it so far. I'm happy to have her so close, and I'm sure Atticus will appreciate having her around all the time. She's putting together a baby shower for the ladies in the family (aka a bunch of older gals that I probably don't know) middle of next month, so that should be fun. I'm excited to start getting baby stuff, now all I need is our little princess to get done cooking.

Speaking of Miss Bean: she is a kicking nightmare! Of course, when I'm finally relaxed and trying to settle down, she starts doing karate on my bladder. It's such a crazy, amazing feeling, but good lord does it hurt some times. If I didn't know any better, I would guess that she's trying to Kill Bill her way out of my uterus. I'm not sure when the next ultrasound is going to be, but I'm excited for it. We go in about a week and a half for the next appointment to do my glucose test- I get to drink some gross liquid, wait an hour, and then pee in a cup to measure the sugar levels and look for gestational diabetes... so that just sounds fantastic. I've been blessed with a great pregnancy so far, so I'm not TOO worried, but the 'what ifs' get to me a little bit. I could do without the appointment every month if it weren't for the ultrasounds and getting to see the progress being made- creating this little girl has been the most rewarding and insanely intriguing experience I've ever been through.

I'll do a full update after I hit the 7 month mark- more pictures, I promise.
[Week 26.2]

Six months down!

We just got back from our check up and second ultrasound- the first go around, Atticus didn't want to cooperate to get measured- and everything is looking great. She is measuring in at 1 pound, 6 ounces, now and is happy and healthy. Mama is looking healthy as well, the only issue the practitioner had was that my uterus is about two weeks behind in growth, but that is still within the normal range so she isn't concerned. I have my next check up in four weeks, including a glucose test for gestational diabetes, and then it is every two weeks after that. I feel like this pregnancy is going by so slow and so fast all at the same time. I can't believe it's already September (and a week away from my birthday), but it still seems so long until I get to hold Miss Bean.

Outside of Bean Town: New and exciting news--- my mom finally got a job in KC and is moving back in less than two weeks!! I'm so excited to have her so close, especially with the baby on the way, and that she gets to be happy again. I know that she was miserable in Joplin, so it will be incredible to have her so near to friends and family, and I will get to spend more quality time with her. She is officially the new HR manager at the 7th Street Casino- only about a five minute drive from us. Atti will love having her Mema around all the time!!

Also, I decided that I'm not going to be returning to The Drop, or work at all for that matter, once I go on maternity leave. It's time that I focus on a real future for myself and go back to school full time. By then, I will be in good standing with my student loans, and I will be able to just take out loans for classes and living expenses (like normal college students) for a while. Eventually, if I get bored, I'll go back to bartending a night or two a week- but this gives me the chance to work toward a career and raise my daughter without any distraction. I've never been so excited for a new year before.

^^Miss Bean finally has a face

^^No more Skeletor baby!!

Her nose is squished b/c of her knee^^

She was folded in half again this time^^

Pregnancy Update

How far along: 24 weeks

Symptoms: Besides the pain from gas and constipation (sorry if it's TMI but this is real life), I haven't had any new problems. Round ligament aches come and go, especially when I try to get up off the couch or in bed. I'm pretty lethargic all the time, but I think that has more to do with my hectic work schedule than anything. Also, my legs feel heavy and fall asleep easily, I'm trying not to cross my legs as much now.

Cravings: Still no real cravings, I'm just hungrier than usual.

Adversions: None

Excited for: My birthday :) and for my mom to finally move back to KC. Also, I have a court date to get my license back next week...TO HAVE A CAR AGAIN!!!!

Movement: Just about all day, every day. She kicks up a storm when I wake up, after I eat, and when I finally get to sit down after work (so of course, all of the times I'm trying to relax). I can see her move now from the outside, and Blade can feel her kick without straining now! She's an active little thing!

Belly button: Still an innie!

Sleep: I definitely have to pee more often now, but once I am asleep, I am really asleep. The down side of the hormones is that I occasionally have very vivid nightmares that carry on longer than before I was pregnant... they have been physically waking me, which wakes Blade as well. Hopefully that goes away. Getting up in the morning has been more of a hassle lately- I just want all the sleep!

Exercise: I've been a bad girl and haven't been to yoga in two weeks. I just haven't had the energy and motivation to get out of bed early. But, I got myself a prenatal fitness DVD that should be coming in the mail next week, and am promising myself to go to yoga on Friday- I'll be back in action asap.

Missing this week: Sushi. I just want some raw fish. 

[Week 24.1]

Atti Bean.

For the first time in this pregnancy, I finally look the way that I feel... which is very pregnant. Thankfully there are still many times that people have no idea that I'm pregnant (to which I credit my amazing styling skills), but for the most part, it's obvious. The baby bump in now a very large hill on it's way to forming a mountain, and I feel like I'm a rollercoaster of ups and downs. The round ligament pain is, for lack of a better term, a bitch. I can't move too much in one direction or roll to the opposite side when I'm laying down without a searing pain down the sides of my abdomen. I still don't have normal digestion and certain foods are starting to upset my tummy-- although the amount of food I'm eating might have something to do with that. How there are women out there that enjoy being preggo, I haven't the slightest idea.

On a happy note, Blade and I went on a mini vacation to Lincoln, Nebraska, for Ethan Lawson's wedding. It was beautiful, and honestly much needed for the both of us. We drove the three hours up there with the Ward brothers in tow, and stayed in an Embassy Suites in the middle of downtown. The wedding rehearsal dinner was at Old Chicago, a pizza and gastropub in an area that resembles the West Bottoms with a plaza size crowd. The next day, I spent quite a bit of time with Victoria and Barry Ward and I absolutely adore them. They were very kind in helping me pass the time while Blade was away doing groomsmen stuff. The wedding was held in a church that was beautiful (and didn't seem to be so long for a Catholic wedding), and the reception was held in the train station in the same area as the rehearsal dinner. We had so much fun. I definitely wasn't the life of the party that I usually am at events like this (two words: open bar), but it was nice to be sober and be able to enjoy the party. I did call it a night early both nights, and Blade was sweet enough to leave the reception a bit early to spend some quality time with me, but I tried as hard as I could! I was happy to be a part of everything, but truth be told going to a wedding while pregnant isn't as fun. Thankfully we don't have any more to attend until next year.

^^We are one hell of a good looking couple :)

BIG NEWS!!!!! We have finally decided on the name Atticus for little Miss Bean! I think it proves to be a strong name for a little girl in this day and age, not to mention it's cute that Atticus Finch was a lawyer. I kept accidentally calling her that when referring to my belly, and Blade has always enjoyed the name, so we put the stamp of approval on it. We haven't decided on a middle name (if there will be one at all) yet, and Blade won't let me use 'Bean', so that is still up in the air. Either way, I'm happy that I can proudly give our beautiful little princess a real name- and a unique one, at that. We get to see her on Tuesday for our next check up since she wouldn't cooperate with the last ultrasound. I'm so excited!

^^I can no longer see my toes now.

Skirts and leggings are my best friend at this point.^^

^^I finally brought out my Nikon and decided to teach myself some 101 so I can take good pictures from here on out in the pregnancy (now that I don't just look like I'm rocking a beer gut)

[Week 23.5]

Over the Hill.

I am officially more than half way through this pregnancy with Miss Bean and I think I am finally getting comfortable in this new body. I unfortunately came down with a really bad head cold last week and had to take off of work for a couple days, I think my weakened immune system worked against me, but it didn't effect the baby. Sweet girl is kicking up a storm, of course she chooses the times when Mommy is comfortable and trying to relax to practice her Kung-Fu, but it makes me smile from ear to ear every time she does it. I still can't believe I have a daughter- it makes me tear up just thinking about the bond that my mother and I share, all of the time that we spent together when I was growing up, how much she means to me now- and I hope, with all my heart, that Bean and I can share that connection as she grows. Blade has been wonderfully supportive throughout the past five months; he finally got to feel her kick for the first time a couple nights ago and his face lit up. He is such a wonderful partner and is going to make a fantastic father, I feel so blessed to have fallen in love with a man who is so warm and genuine. I am slowly but surely falling into the nesting stage, and I'm sure it is driving him up a wall. Thus far (with his help) I have finished painting the lower floor of the bedroom, and have to finish the touch ups on the loft so Blade can move his office upstairs. I picked out nursery colors as well, and am very surprised at myself for going such a girly direction.

It's hard to get a good visual of the colors in the picture, but Opal Cream is a very light yellow and Juicy Passionfruit is an orangey coral color. I'm doing the base of the room in the yellow, with a coral Herringbone accent wall, back nook wall, and height chart. I think it will be light and airy, girly, but easy to decorate. Floating shelves with a hanging birch branch in the far right corner for knick-knacks and cute clothes, a navy and gold accent dresser underneath my father's large antique mirror for a changing station, and white ruffled curtains for the window and reading nook. Blade is going to install some lights in the nook as well, so she can have a little spot to curl up in and explore. I think that she will love her room, and I will love to be with her in there. I just can't wait to get started... I want to hold my little girl right now!

Our last appointment was short and sweet. I have officially started to gain weight, which takes some of my stress away. I was worried that babygirl wasn't getting enough nutrients since I kept losing weight instead of gaining, but she is growing at a great rate (weighed in around 11 oz) and her heartbeat is stronger than ever. Because she was so tightly balled up during the ultrasound last week, they couldn't get all the measurements done that they needed to, so we have another appointment the same day as our next follow up- in about three weeks. I honestly don't mind, it just means that we get another chances to see her sonograms :) It's hard to believe that it's more than half way over, only about 19 weeks left! (I keep seeing countdowns until Christmas, and it makes me more excited than usual for my favorite holiday. I think it was fate that I get to bring my daughter into the world during my favorite time of year. This will be the best Christmas I've ever had.)

Now onto the real issue at hand: what are we going to name her? We both like odd, strong names, but we are having a hard time staying with one. Right now, the two top contenders are 'Atticus' and 'Indie'. Both are beautiful and strong, and a little girl can grow up to be a great woman with either name. I like the name Indigo with Indie as a nickname, but Blade prefers the latter alone. Atticus is awesome as well (Atti for short). We have quite a bit of time but I'm chomping at the bit trying to get the perfect name for her.. I'll give it some more thought.

Pregnancy Update

How far along: 21 weeks

Symptoms: My sciatic nerve has still been proving an issue, but I don't think Bean has much to do with it. As I was typing this, I had a random wave of nausea, but other than that my stomach has been fine. A bit of weepiness now and again for no reason- and I am still sobbing like a weirdo if I laugh too hard- but my libido is finally making an appearance again! Sleeping has been less of an issue, I'm starting to find a comfort zone easier, but getting up to pee about 3 times a night is a pain. Still smooth sailing thus far.

Cravings: I don't think I'm really having any actual cravings, at least nothing more than I had before I was pregnant. On occasion I get a case of the crunchies and want something salty, the chips are doing their job.

Adversions: None

Excited for: Our mini vacation to Nebraska next weekend for Ethan's wedding. Lord knows Blade and I need to get away for a little bit.

Movement: It seems like it happens all day, every day now. She is such a strong little girl- I love feeling her popping around in there. I can finally feel her with my hand on my belly; she kicks hard enough for other people to feel now too.

Belly button: The top seems to be pushed out a little bit, but I think that's my own fault. I may or may not have tried to put my belly button ring back in the other day and tore some skin that is currently healing. I hope it doesn't close, getting that redone is going to hurt.

Sleep: Still tossing and turning but I'm getting a better night's sleep now that Miss Bean is finding a happy position. If only I could hold it all night, the bathroom breaks are what is interrupting me so much.

Exercise: I had to miss one yoga class because of the head cold, but went back yesterday and I am feeling the burn today. I really enjoy yoga, I just wish I were more flexible. I am going to start a daily stretching routine today, which will hopefully help in class and with my pinched nerve. I'm still just taking it easy until after I have the baby... I always push it too far and I don't want to risk hurting either of us while I'm so fragile.

Missing this week: Tiffany!! She was away in Paris for a wedding so we missed out on our coffee date last week. But the good news is that Gordon finally proposed! I am so happy for her, can't wait to catch up this week. I miss going out with my girls a lot- Andi is in Chicago, Vikki's kids just started back at school... I can't wait for my first girl's night after Bean.

[Week 21.1]

IT'S A GIRL!

Went to do my first full baby ultrasound today. Blade had a meeting so he had to meet me there and unfortunately missed the first finding of the gender, but made it at the end to see it again. It's official- We are having a little girl!

At first I was worried because she is curled up in a little ball, knees to nose, so the nurse was having a hard time getting pictures of everything she needed to and told me that we may not be able to see the gender. That would have been heart breaking- I feel like we've been waiting an eternity to find out so far! But sure enough, after she went through all the little body parts, measuring and capturing stills, she zoomed in on her little bottom and pointed out that we are having a mini me. I told the nurse that I had been hoping for a boy so I wouldn't have to be bad cop forever, but that Blade would laugh when he found out because he knew all along we'd have a little girl (he says it's my karma). Sure enough, he smirked and chuckled when he walked in- but we couldn't be happier. Little Miss Bean is a healthy little girl, weighing in at 11 ounces, and was moving and shaking. I can't wait to bring our little princess into the world.

I love the little profile shots- looks like she's getting mama's nose! (Thank goodness.. sorry honey)

She said next time we'd be able to get some better shots if the baby is being more cooperative. Stubborn already... great...

These shots, on the other hand, give me the creeps. It looks like we're growing a little Skeletor in there. But at least we know she's got everything in place! :)

AND LOOK AT THESE FEET!!!! Those little toes!!! And I'm melting already.

Outside of baby news: Last night's concert was awesome! Glen ended up getting me two tickets and guest passes to the show, so I took Jay. We had so much fun! Unfortunately the show started an hour later than it was scheduled, so I didn't get a chance to hang out with Glen long, but he did get to introduce us to Nita Strauss and Ryan Roxie and then he came and watched some of the Motley show with us before he had to hop back on the bus. It was incredible! 

Jay, Glen and I

Close enough to touch Nikki Sixx!

I will hit my half way point on Wednesday and will give more preggo updates then. In the mean time, I have to completely re-do my Pinterest boards!

[Week 19.6]