The several months of pregnancy and the first weeks that follow birth are a blender that every woman involuntarily throws her emotions into. We know that we are a giant basket of crazy and tears, we know that our hormones are making our sanity teeter-totter, but we also know that it is a part of the ride and that eventually we will be normal again. Sometimes that doesn't happen on its own, and you can find yourself in a very scary and unknown place, mentally and emotionally. Dealing with the fact that you have a new body that needs to heal, a new sleep schedule that is never fulfilling, and learning how to manage this new lifestyle is more than enough for a person to have to bear without adding a newborn baby that depends on you for it's every need to survive (it is sometimes baffling that we want to have more than one child). The crying is nerve wracking and the diapers are gross, your body aches and you feel like you haven't slept since high school. But here is this beautiful little monster that you love unconditionally that makes it all worth it....right? But what if it doesn't?
No mother ever wants to admit that she isn't connecting with her child, especially when they know in their heart how much they love their little one, but it does happen. Knowing the early signs and symptoms of Postpartum Depression can help you stop it in it's tracks and move toward building happiness in your life before you get swallowed up. I didn't want to hold the baby, I was constantly sobbing, and I started to have this uncontrollable anger whenever the baby would cry. I had lost who I was and couldn't find my way back to being the partner and mother I knew that I was. I fought against putting a name to what I was feeling because to me it seemed like it was admitting defeat, like I had failed as a parent. In reality, recognizing that I had gone beyond 'baby blues' into a much darker and deeper depression makes me a smarter, stronger woman. All it took was one simple phone call to my OB and a short explanation that I can't find my happiness anymore and I don't feel right, and she sent a prescription straight to my pharmacy to pick up the next day.
I started Lexapro about 3 weeks ago and it feels like I'm living a completely different life. The baby is still a crazy little bug that cries and gets demanding, but instead of trying to avoid her, I want to spend every moment making her happy again. I have a whole new relationship with my daughter and my boyfriend, not to mention with myself- I smile now, I am happy now. And it doesn't matter if I have to take a little pill in the morning to make that happen, the important part is that I didn't let my pride override my health and I got the help that I needed.
Having a baby will turn your life upside down and will cause you to go a little crazy now and again, but you shouldn't ever feel out of control. Be realistic with yourself and your emotions, allow time to heal you naturally, and take the next step in getting professional help if you feel like you can't level out on your own. You'll be happy you did. Very happy.
