Update: One Month

This little girl just melts my heart! I can't believe that we survived having a newborn! As of four days ago, Atticus has moved up to "infant" and I'm already sad to see her grow- it's hard to see how big she has gotten in just four short weeks. I feel as if we have been on a roller coaster for years looking at how different things are now compared to the first two weeks. The sense of being out of control of any situation has turned into a semi-confidence that I know what I'm doing, and I can breathe a little. Of course, there are absolutely times when I still want to cry a little, but they are getting far and few between now and I can honestly say that I have a new sense of happiness filling me up- it's a whole new feeling, being a mom.
One thing I would enjoy, however, is to finally get her on a sleep schedule. We have temporarily stopped the training for the time being because, yes she was sleeping in a crib, but she wasn't sleeping very well or very long, which in turn was making her feeding schedule wacky. So I realized: I am pushing an itinerary on a NEWBORN BABY, and that is just ridiculous. We will pick back up on the routine after we get her back to sleeping and eating and being super happy.
We had our one month pediatrician appointment yesterday and all is wonderful. Atti is weighing in at 8 pounds, 10 ounces, and 21 inches long. She is hitting the 50th percentile, which means she is perfectly average for her age and we are happy with that. We won't go back until her two month and then she has to get shots.. I am not sure how I'm going to handle that, but they are good for her. She's getting such a little personality, and it's becoming easier to figure out what she wants now that I am getting used to get noises. Best thing to date, however- I got a full, ear to ear smile and a giggle out of her when she was nursing today and I almost started sobbing. I never thought my heart could feel so full, I love her so much!

Tummy Time is still hit or miss, but she holds her head up so strongly now and she scoots like an inch worm. It's only a matter of time before we stop with the wobbles and start rolling over!

Look at those little hands! She's starting to get some chubbiness.

The "George Castanza" hairstyle is happening right now. Our cutie is rocking a baby mullet.

Outside of Bean town:

I was still bleeding quite heavily so I called the doctor and went in yesterday to have an ultrasound to make sure I didn't have an infection; everything was fine, and (go figure) the bleeding has subsided since then. I have been having some weird abdominal pain but I think it's just from everything moving back to the normal place in my belly. Since I have been feeling pretty much back to normal, I decided to go back to work last week- which proved necessary considering all these wonderful hospital bills piling up. Having a baby is no joke. I have gotten to go back to the gym as well, it's giving me some much needed breaks from her- love my baby to death, but sometimes I just want a breather! Hopefully, this time next month, I'll be back to my old self- inside and out.

Pictures: One Month

Well it is official- we no longer have a newborn! Atti Roux became an infant today, she is one month old. I can't believe I have survived a newborn! I will give a full update on Tuesday after her doctor's appointment, but I had to share a picture of my big girl!!

1 MONTH OLD ALREADY!? My big girl <3

Also, here are the three week progress pictures of my bod. I did a couple days of yoga and working out during week two but I was hurting myself so I held off. Starting tomorrow, I will be working out regularly and doing meal prep every week- so hopefully I will get some real results in no time!

I have no idea how much I weigh, but I start my membership soon so I will check it out then! I can't wait to see what the second month brings!

Update: Three weeks

We have made it to week three without killing anyone or hurting ourselves, so I say it's a success so far! Atticus is slowly getting into an actual routine (with the exception of her fighting going to sleep right now- I hate hearing her cry!) and I am slowly starting to regain my sanity. School started last Monday and has turned out to be a lot less stressful than I imagined. I'm actually finding some relief in school work, as if I have something to look forward to every day that doesn't involve being a mom- something that I can feel proud of selfishly, for my own personal happiness and not that of anyone else's- it's something I think every mom should have for themselves so they don't get swallowed up by the neediness of the baby. I also got to go out for a girl's night for the first time in almost a year; it made me feel some semblance of normalcy again. Sierra and I went to Rieger for a cocktail and then met up with some friends at Julep, hopped over to Harry's (of course) and then ended at Char Bar- quite intoxicated, might I add. But I deserved it, if I do say so myself. I don't see another one happening any time soon, however, I missed my little girl and I didn't like feeling as if I couldn't contribute to taking care of her when I got home. I guess being a mom is rubbing off on my irresponsible side and I like it.

It has been quite the rocky road for the past two weeks, but we are getting through it one baby step at a time. Last Wednesday we got Atti into the crib for the first time- it didn't start off very well, but now she is going down with little to no crying and I'm starting to get the hang of what cry means what and how long I should wait before jumping in to rescue her. Hopefully by the one month mark we will have her on a good schedule with a bit of consistency so we can all sleep better. Her one month is next Tuesday, I'm excited to see how big she's gotten!!

Baby update!!!

How old: 3 weeks

Feeding: Breastmilk only, but now taking bottles! Blade had a bit of an issue getting her to accept the Tommee Tippee bottles, so I went out and got a Playtex Vent-air bottle which she accepts. We have to make sure the nipple is warmed up, but otherwise there aren't any issues. She's eating about 2oz per feeding, and giving her a bottle about once a day so she gets used to it.

Sleep: As of last week, she is sleeping in the crib about 70% of the time. When she's just too fussy, or I'm too tired to try to wear her out, I still let her sleep on me. But now I'm getting into a good rhythm on when to put her down and how so hopefully by the end of the month we will have a regular napper on our hands.

Dirty stuff: I have officially been pooped and peed on during a couple different occasions. She is still hurting when she has to go potty, usually while feeding which is frustrating for the both of us, but she's having regular wet and dirties. Her umbilical stump FINALLY fell off a couple days ago and her navel is almost completely healed, so I gave her the first real bath yesterday. She loved every second until it came time to pull her out and dry her off, she isn't a fan of the cold air.

Milestones: According to the books, she's excelling at all the stuff she should by the end of the first month- she can hold her head up and turn it 90 degrees, she can bring her hands knowingly together and up to her face, and she is starting to focus on your eyes instead of your forehead or mouth. Still haven't gotten a true smile out of her, but it's coming soon enough I'm sure. She's getting some chunkiness in her little arms and thighs, and her legs are getting too long for the newborn onesies (although the rest of her still fits in them so it just looks like she's wearing high water pants).

Upcoming: We are excited for her one month appointment to see what the doctor says about her progress, I'm sure she will get a perfect review. Also, I'm starting back at The Drop this week, so it will be interesting to see how she fares without me. Hopefully Blade will stay on her schedule and we can continue on this path, I think she's doing great for only three weeks so it makes me hopeful for the future.

Don't let the picture fool you, she won't take a binkie willingly.

(3 weeks <3)

Trying to breathe

Somehow, in the past four days, I have started to slowly get accustomed to being a mommy and having a newborn with an erratic schedule. Atticus is finally eating on a normal schedule- I'm using that word loosely, it's more of a slight pattern of events throughout the day that include eating, pooping, and sleeping. She is cluster feeding throughout the day (every 1-3 hours) and is now only waking up twice during the night to eat now that I'm feeding her on demand instead of by the clock; so we are looking at waking up to feed her at around 1am, 4-5am, and then not again until sometime between 7-9am, when I will usually just wake up to start the day. She has still been having some fussy time, but it doesn't last too long and she is soothed by walking and bouncing. The only real issue that I'm trying to figure out now is the fact that we can't put her down at night, she still has to sleep on us. I think I keep forgetting that she really is less than two weeks old and we have it pretty damn good considering she doesn't fuss too much and has no major sleeping issues. Plus, she started going down in the Rock n'Play during the day time so there is a step in the right direction. I just received the books I ordered from Barnes & Noble about sleeping and breastfeeding, so maybe I can get some insight on how to soothe our sweet little girl without having to sacrifice my sleeping position.

I've started to look at things a little differently now than I have for the past week and my attitude really is starting to hit a positive side. I haven't cried in a couple days, and although that sounds a tad pathetic, is a really good sign that I just had a hint of baby blues and not full out postpartum. I realized that the things that were triggering my sadness weren't actual issues with myself or my life, but just exhaustion and frustration from the awkward and random schedule with the baby. Now that I'm getting the hang of things, and have caught up bit by bit on sleep, I am gaining confidence that I'm a good mom and that I can do this.

Atti is starting to get a personality, she is super attentive when she is awake and I love sitting around looking into those sweet eyes- they are still that slate blue color, I'm still hopeful that they stay light. Now that she's getting with a more regular schedule, I've stopped recording the minute to minute feeding and just jot down when she starts to make sure I'm not missing too many hours in between. We are going to try to start her on at least one bottle a day starting tomorrow, so maybe I'll be able to have a little more freedom from the house and a little more sanity! We have had a lot of visitors that I'm very thankful for, but I would really like to be able to leave the house for once to meet Tiff for some coffee or a glass of wine. Fingers crossed we don't have any bumps in the road.. mama needs a break!

Atti's first dress! She was too cute.

Nana loves to come visit.

HAPPY BABY!!! I love my little girl so much.

I need a vacation already.

So I finally caved today and bought, not one, but THREE baby help books online. I'm losing my mind- Atticus is only feeding in five minute bursts over the course of a couple hours and then not wanting to eat at all (which I believe is called cluster feeding but I have no idea how to handle it), she has been getting ridiculously fussy at random times and the only thing to console her it to walk around with her, and she won't fall asleep anywhere but on my chest- only then can I lay her down in the Rock n Play but it's still a coin toss on whether or not she will stay asleep. Hopefully I can gain some insight on soothing techniques and schedules to start so I can regain some confidence in mommyhood.

I think that I am having short bouts of postpartum depression. I have been crying at the drop of a hat for the last three days, I can't seem to pull myself out of this dark hole, and nothing sparks it necessarily. It definitely happens more when she has to feed or when she cries, but it also gets brought on as soon as nighttime hits. I don't know if it's the impending sleepless night that I know I'm going to have to endure, or just the frustration from the day coming to a climax, but I feel like a horribly mother and an even worse partner when I have to hand her over to Blade so I'm not sobbing on her head anymore. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this is just a little bit of 'baby blues' and not the start of full swing depression, I want my baby to come into a world full of happiness and love, not mood swings and instability.

In the meantime, I decided that I will try to keep in mind that being a mommy is my actual job right now, and that in order to be successful I have to make that my main priority. I am very anxious to get my life and body back, to have some peace of mind, and to capture a little bit of much needed selfishness again- but I can't do that until I've done my job of being a good mom. It's like working really hard toward a well earned bonus; the less work I do, the longer it will take me to get my reward. I'm going to start writing down more detailed notes throughout the day to try to pinpoint when she gets sleepy, what she's doing before and after she gets fussy, what works, etc., and see if I can't get a head start in the 'happy baby' department. Fingers crossed I can hang on to some semblance of sanity.

Update: One week

"Slow and steady wins the race" has been my mantra this week. Bringing the baby home has been very trying to my patience, but I'm breathing deep and taking things one step at a time. There have been no lack of tears on either side of this Mommy-Baby relationship, but the love I have for this little girl is beyond belief. Blade has continued to be a wonderful help, and I'm trying my hardest to take most of the responsibility for her so that he can get his work done, but he doesn't seem to mind lending a helping hand when need be. I've gotten extremely frustrated, to the point of crying a little, just about every night. First it was the feeding, until my milk came in, and now it's the sleeping. As much as I love Atticus, I would really enjoy being able to set her in her rocker or bouncer when she's sleeping so I can fully rest. She will only sleep on my chest, which is so heartwarming and adorable, but I tend to stay tense all night- I think my body just registers that I have a baby on me and stays in protection mode so I can't fully relax. We have stopped trying to put her down at night, she fusses way too much and it inevitably leads to less sleep for us instead of more. Now that I have caved and let her sleep on me, I've technically got more sleep... right now I'll take quantity over quality.

Mommy update: I dropped 9 pounds immediately after birth and know that I have lost more since, but have no scale to give you a number. I've lost quite a bit of the water weight, I look way less bloated (my thighs have a gap again!!) and you can see my jawline for the first time since my second trimester, but I still have a ways to go. I can't go to the gym until I'm four weeks, but I think I will take advantage of the treadmill once my membership begins. I've started doing the postnatal "workouts" that are suggested in my What To Expect book and added a postnatal yoga video that I found online to do in the meantime. I am just so antsy to be able to have a little freedom and get back to my old self, I had to start doing something to keep me sane.

School starts in a little over a week and I think that will help with this lonely and tired feeling I have from being home by myself so often, and then I'll start picking up a shift or two at work around four weeks, maybe sooner. I started pumping this week, so we should have a good stockpile for when I can finally leave the house.

I am overly exhausted, quite lonely, and running out of things to do around the house to bide my time, but we made it through the first week!

Baby Update!

How old: 1 week

Feeding: Breast milk only, no bottles yet. She eats any time between 2-3 hours, sometimes a little longer, for about 15-30 minutes total.

Sleep: We still have our days and nights mixed up so she is out like a light and goes down in a bouncer pretty easy during the day, and is fussy and only sleeps on my chest at night. She's up for maybe 4-6 hours total throughout the day, not including the 10 minutes here and there for changes. 

Dirty stuff: We started giving her gas drops today because it seemed that she was having pretty upset stomachs and it was making her fussy, so hopefully these help. At least 8 wet and dirties a day, just about every time she feeds I have to change a messy diaper. 

Milestones: I've started getting up close and making facial expressions, and sure enough, she starts to mimick me a little bit- I've been making O's with my mouth and sticking out my tongue, not necessarily things I should be teaching her but it's adorable so what the hell. She's also been doing 'tummy time' when she's on my chest and her neck seems to be getting stronger, but she's still a loose noodle most of the time.

Upcoming: I think her first outing will be at the end of the month to go visit mom's new house, but maybe sooner depending on how she's acting and how I feel. Her one month appointment is in a couple weeks and I'm curious to see where she lands on the scale- hopefully by then she will have gained enough weight that we can let her sleep throughout the night without waking her ourselves.

1 week <3