Trying to breathe

Somehow, in the past four days, I have started to slowly get accustomed to being a mommy and having a newborn with an erratic schedule. Atticus is finally eating on a normal schedule- I'm using that word loosely, it's more of a slight pattern of events throughout the day that include eating, pooping, and sleeping. She is cluster feeding throughout the day (every 1-3 hours) and is now only waking up twice during the night to eat now that I'm feeding her on demand instead of by the clock; so we are looking at waking up to feed her at around 1am, 4-5am, and then not again until sometime between 7-9am, when I will usually just wake up to start the day. She has still been having some fussy time, but it doesn't last too long and she is soothed by walking and bouncing. The only real issue that I'm trying to figure out now is the fact that we can't put her down at night, she still has to sleep on us. I think I keep forgetting that she really is less than two weeks old and we have it pretty damn good considering she doesn't fuss too much and has no major sleeping issues. Plus, she started going down in the Rock n'Play during the day time so there is a step in the right direction. I just received the books I ordered from Barnes & Noble about sleeping and breastfeeding, so maybe I can get some insight on how to soothe our sweet little girl without having to sacrifice my sleeping position.

I've started to look at things a little differently now than I have for the past week and my attitude really is starting to hit a positive side. I haven't cried in a couple days, and although that sounds a tad pathetic, is a really good sign that I just had a hint of baby blues and not full out postpartum. I realized that the things that were triggering my sadness weren't actual issues with myself or my life, but just exhaustion and frustration from the awkward and random schedule with the baby. Now that I'm getting the hang of things, and have caught up bit by bit on sleep, I am gaining confidence that I'm a good mom and that I can do this.

Atti is starting to get a personality, she is super attentive when she is awake and I love sitting around looking into those sweet eyes- they are still that slate blue color, I'm still hopeful that they stay light. Now that she's getting with a more regular schedule, I've stopped recording the minute to minute feeding and just jot down when she starts to make sure I'm not missing too many hours in between. We are going to try to start her on at least one bottle a day starting tomorrow, so maybe I'll be able to have a little more freedom from the house and a little more sanity! We have had a lot of visitors that I'm very thankful for, but I would really like to be able to leave the house for once to meet Tiff for some coffee or a glass of wine. Fingers crossed we don't have any bumps in the road.. mama needs a break!

Atti's first dress! She was too cute.

Nana loves to come visit.

HAPPY BABY!!! I love my little girl so much.